Dear internet surfers,
Our receptionist is still on a temporary leave, and so I’m occupying this Sunday session, in this weird month of March.
Whether I’d usually create something from the perspective of a chosen alter ego (PPI, or sevdah spammer), my guts this time, are telling me to compile a playlist which fills up Corona’s void, and distracts the luxury of now having to work. If I listen to the silence deeply, I hear something cracking (#tear#tear); all there’s left to do is materialize the crushed reality through Sunday at Bob’s template. So, we are taking a break from informative music knowledge, in order to focus on the music of(for?) the broken heart. And my goodness, according to Youtube’s algorithm + the emotional extremes in which the heart beats, this playlist might come off as a weird mix of what nots.
They say there are 10 emotional stages of a broken heart; let the music in the background to start playing. (No idea who are ‘they’ and if that’s actually true)
Heartbreak Stage #1: Introduction
It was some time ago when I first watched the movie called The Square. Yes it was sad, great, and existential. The best (and maybe even the happiest) part of it was the music pick. I’m talking specifically about Improvisació 1 by Bobby McFerrin. Still to this day, it gives me chillz (and I must have listened to it for more than 39842 times). The reason why it has the introductory role in this playlist, is because of it’s chameleon-ability to belong to any ‘life’ mood, and somehow relate to the horrors of the situation. Consider this a very mild intro to the topic. P.S., sometimes the track sounds like a heartbeat, and there goes a very conceptual linkage, if I had to think of one.
Heartbreak Stage #2: Intimate-prison no more
While it takes some time for Bobby McFerrin to be done, let’s say that Elliott Smith(RIP) is preparing his Between The Bars in the digital backstage. The first time I heard this song was while watching the end of Rick and Morty’s season 3 (if my memory serves me well). It was just before Rick and Morty went into a T-shirt merchandise bizniss, as an add-on to their stardom. Back then, it was a perfect song to say goodbye to watching Rick and Morty’s seasons to follow, and not just because of the T-shirts really, but because the humor was beginning to dry out. I loved them dearly, but they had their expiry date, after which my focus shifted to the lyrics of Elliott’s song. My expectations (I blame it on Michel Foucault’s Moist Meme Maison) of what the song would be about were totally unmet, which made me like the song even more. Instead,
Drink up one more time and I'll make you mine
Keep you apart, deep in my heart
Separate from the rest, where I like you the best
And keep the things you forgot
People you've been before that you
Don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still
are lines which talk of a romantic prison, rather than Foucault’s panopticum. However, romantically and conceptually, it’s not hard to compare the similarities between the two. First it’s all about wine and dine, next thing you know it’s about control, ownership and consumerism between the lovers. A bit sick, I’d say, but cute in a way.
Heartbreak Stage #3: You’re not who you used to be, but whatever maybe?
In contrary to the previous song, where love is contained in a vacuum and protected from the outside world(why?), the following song by Moloko called Over and Over, shows the consequences of remembering the best and the worst of romantic times. The song perfectly illustrates the duality in-between the two extremes, when the heart and brain are at fight over which memory to dwell in. It’s clearly not a fun activity, but somehow becomes light as we continue listening to the song. In the end it comes down to: no, there is not middle ground, we’re both off in another story of merry-go-round.
Heartbreak Stage #4: self-care contest
Thank you Moloko, for bridging us to the next step of recovery after loss. What used to be the complexity of a denial has now transformed into an acceptance of absence. Our guardian angel for that phase is Sevdaliza (who sings about angels all the time), specifically with the song called Marilyn Monroe (yes, too many great names at once). Anyhow, to me, the song is about one’s beginning to nourish one’s care of the self, caused by losing the extreme care of the other. It’s already pre-supposing that lovers merge fully when together, and it’s only a matter of time until we find out who gets to be the first one to rip off from the bond. Do you know what I mean? Maybe I don’t know myself what I mean, but read this:
“And they told me to care when trying to fix your heart, it’s unfair, I’m trying to fix myself”.
There is also some anger we can pull out of this line, towards the others who apparently have a say in who gets to be over and done first. Chicken or egg is indeed what the situation is about, and that’s what happens with lovers: eventually they all become chickens and eggs.
Heartbreak Stage #5: a mini-break from self-care
…BUT, it’s not that easy to just go on and fix yourself; the process doesn’t grow exponentially from the moment one finally decides to, until the moment one starts to feel more or less like a god. The state fluctuates between forced positivity and anger. Deep anger. That’s why the next song by Trisomie 21 is a tribute to that anger, because anger is crucial and must be present. The song is very simply about
Breaking down, breaking down
Breaking down, breaking down
Breaking down, breaking
Breaking down, breaking down
Breaking down, breaking
In the same simple nature, the song questions love’s modernity and simply wishes to destroy it J Why not.
Heartbreak Stage #6: welcoming randomness
When punk, coldwave, darkwave, and similar waves, I can’t can’t can’t avoid Cities in The Dust by Siouxie and the Banshees. Maybe not extremely relevant to our topic today, but why not have a break from the heartbreak? The song reminds me of my bartending shifts in De School, where sometimes the song would play, but not on the main stage. I never discovered why.
Heartbreak Stage #7: Feminist relief
We are returning back on the heartbreak’s track with the song by Soledad Bravo called Alla Viene un Corazon. Besides the song’s power to remind me of my non-existent Mexican roots, it triggers other flows of energies in me: that of a sleepy feminist, snoozing the alarm to wake up. For now I say: luckily, for all of us. I find it semi-funny that these memorial elements make me think of Zapatistas, Las Mujeres con la Dignidad Rebelde, and all that I learned about them down there in Mexico’s Chiapas. If anyone is interested, I found this song in the documentary called She’s Beautiful When She’s Angry, and yes I do recommend it.
Heartbreak Stage #8: It’s okay
Speaking of real and adopted roots, to what extent is losing love similar to losing home? A friend told me she felt like an orphan of an orphan, when she was in this stage of a heartbreak. Of course, of course, of course, for the guidance of this stage, I return to my Balkan roots. If you not only listen, but also watch the official video of the song called Balada Disidenta (The Ballad of Dissidents) by Beogradski Sindikat, you will clearly understand the current stage of recovery I’m talking about. The song is about the dissidents leaving the city of Belgrade, because (to put it simply) the city’s regime has failed their dreams and happiness. However, in all that sadness, the chorus of the song throws spotlight on the good old times and maintaining them as the sweetest of memories.
**Note: it’s hard to empathise with this song without deep listening skills and rakija. Especially without rakija.**
Heartbreak Stage #9: The Mountains
When you think about it, love is sometimes a consequence of neoliberal harshness. Our bodies are pushed into maintaining the collective individualistic reality, in which we are mostly pre-occupied by work. In such a lame reality, love can erupt in unexpected places, or even be forced to erupt as love. And even if it really is love, sometimes its eruption might not always be the one worth holding onto forever. Instead, saying thank you and bye is a cute, final step before saying “fuck love, especially if it’s a consequence of this lame system”. After this mantra, it’s time to think about mountains. Mountains make everything seem absolutely absurd: this life in the city + this drama. When thinking of mountains, everything becomes so small and FINE, while breathing becomes the most crucial activity. Nicola Cruz is the guru of breathing with his song called Voz de las Montañas. Stay for the ride.
Heartbreak Stage #10: Check it out now
After we are back from the mountains, Black Eyed Peas are waiting for us with some hip-hop vibes, to welcome new loves (and not necessarily in the form of a person). Of course I found the song in the recent op-doc featuring Kim Hill, who dropped out of the band due to the band’s ‘commercialization’. Instead of focusing on whether she regrets the decision or not, I’d rather just listen to the song and enjoy its chill, hopeful, flirty, and sexy vibes.
To conclude this heart-healing session, I’d like to mention that there is two ways of looking at the loss of love:
1.Telenovela way – stabbing yourself with a knife that moment when your loved one decides to agree with your idea of leaving.
2. a Different way – stabbing yourself with a knife bought in Action’s toy department, and moving on.
And remember dears, ''it shouldn't hurt this much to be your angel.''
Not sure what to say about the check out time and if it's still at 10h30.
Yours truly, Maisa.
PLAYLIST:
PLAYLIST:
1. Bobby McFerrin – Improvisació 1
2. Ellliott Smith – Between the Bars
3. Moloko – Over & Over
4. Sevdaliza – Marilyn Monroe
5. Trisomie 21 – Breaking down
6. Siouxsie And The Banshees - Cities in Dust
7. Soledad Bravo - Allá viene un corazón
8. Beogradski sindikat - Balada disidenta
9. Nicola Cruz - Voz de las Montañas
10. Black Eyed Peas The Way U Make me Feel
